Parenting Panel with Merlot Embargo
Some might consider Merlot Embargo an unlikely duo: a seat-of-the-pants singer-songwriter in Scarlet, and a music school nerd and engineer in Geoff. But the blending of their different approaches to music, and life, has helped them create music that's provocative, but approachable.
This married and musical duo have temper each other's worst tendencies, and in their good moments, bring out the best qualities in the other.
Their music is not just catchy, but lyrically relatable in every way, even beyond parenting. They tell stories meaningful to everyone. “Not Gonna” looks at ageism and sexism in the music industry, “It Could Be Worse” was inspired by that very saying being flung around during hard times, specifically the pandemic, and their new single “Inside My Head” talks about toxic masculinity and the belief that men don’t want to know anything about women in an authentic way.
We got to speak with this married musical duo about their music and the ups and downs of parenting as musicians:
How many children do you have? And what are their names and ages?
Joanna is 6 and just finished kindergarten this year! She’s our only child. (so far)
Did you have fears or concerns about how becoming a parent would interfere with your artistic endeavors?
Geoff: yes. Although technically we weren’t even Merlot Embargo The Artist™ before we got married, (and honestly we barely had a chance to be Merlot Embargo before Joanna was born anyway) I never felt like I had enough time to do what I needed to become “successful” as an artist/musician. I’ve always juggled many things: day job, gigging musician, music producer, relationships, fixing shit around the house, hobbies, etc. Adding this huge responsibility seemed daunting.
Scarlet: OH yeah. Being pregnant right on the cusp of us finally about to release our first album filled me with all sorts of doubts and insecurities. In how it affected my physicality and body image troubled me greatly.
Have those fears come true, or no?
Geoff: To a degree, yes. (insert the obligatory but-of-course-it-was-worth-it here. Music brings me great joy. On the other hand, watching our daughter learn and grow and develop into an amazing human being is honestly unmatched.) I had in some ways exaggerated the demands of parenthood in my mind before we had Joanna, but the time thing is 100% real. We never have enough time to do all the things. We have songs on backburners, and promo work, and emails to send, gigs to hustle, videos to edit, social medias to post, and we won’t even mention the fundamentals, the actual songwriting and practicing and recording and performing. BUT, I’ve also learned to be more efficient with my time, and to delegate and hire out things that I used to do myself. I don’t mix our music anymore, for example, which frees me up to just wear the producer hat. It costs us some money, but it saves me a lot of time and we’re happier with the end result anyway.
Scarlet: On the one hand I felt empowered to buck that system and embrace my motherhood and my changing body as an answer to the unjust body expectations put on women in general and especially women performers. On the other, I can’t help but see the affect that has had on my “appeal” to younger audiences. It’s understandable as everyone is looking for someone to identify with. Doesn’t really take the sting out of it though ha.
One thing I didn’t expect was how it would affect our ability to do the necessary PR rotations in being able to run in the indie music circles with late nights and gigging and networking. While I was secretly happy to avoid crowds and the exhausting effort it takes to be ON all the time, it has had a very real affect on our ability to promote our music.
In what ways has parenthood helped your creativity, if any?
Geoff: Ironically, I think the time thing has actually forced me to be more creative. There’s definitely less time for practicing, writing, and fooling around with weird sounds, but when you’re under the gun, you kind of learn to step up and come up with cool melodies and other ideas more efficiently.
Scarlet: Soooo many songs have come from my experience as a mother, inspiration from my daughter or FOR my daughter. I mean, my songs were always inspired by things in my life and since she has had such a huge affect on me and my life there’s no way it couldn’t have happened…But I think just HOW prolific my song writing has been since having a child blows my mind a little. There is a LOT of self reflection and life observations that happen as you watch a little human growing up and experiencing life for themselves.
What has parenthood taught you about yourself, your music, or your creative process?
Geoff: One of the things having a child has tuned me into is how deep my own sense of justice and equality runs. I’ve known this for most of my life, but there’s something about having a small human for whom you are responsible that makes me want to help her have empathy for those who have been disadvantaged. I realize how deeply I want to make changes, and burn down systemic injustices, and how much I want to also instill that sense of equality in her.
Scarlet: For me, it’s being a woman and having a daughter specifically. So much of what I write now is focused on what I want for her in this life. How I want her to learn from my mistakes or take what I’ve learned and grow from it. It’s taught me that I can do both and it won’t look the same as someone without kids, but it is still completely a thing. It has not gone away or been evaporated in the presence of a child, but in fact has given me a deep reason and purpose for writing a lot of the songs that I do.
How do you juggle your family and your career? Who’s your support system?
Geoff: I mean it’s pretty much impossible without a support network, and double so in our case. If we have a gig, there’s basically no doing it unless we can get someone to watch Joanna. Fortunately we’ve got my folks just a few miles away, and my Aunt even closer, and both are super helpful. We’ve also got a good group of friends who pitch in too.
There’s also a lot of finding time in the cracks. Five minutes here, 15 minutes there. For example, one small trick I do to try and be more efficient as a producer, is to bounce out a track as I’m working on it to a dropbox folder, and listen back later when I’m at work the next day. (Yes, we still have our day jobs.) Not only does it save me a few minutes every day, it also gives my ears a bit of objectivity; the time between bounce and listen back is a good palette cleanser.
The time writing and recording in the studio basically happens between the hours of 8pm and midnight, after Joanna’s asleep, and sometimes in the early morning before she’s awake.
What’s one thing you wish someone had told you before you became a parent? Any advice for others?
Geoff: Lean on your network. Especially if your partner is also in your band. There’s just no swinging it any other way.
Scarlet: You gotta try all the things and figure out what works for YOU. Just because something worked for me doesn’t mean it will work for you or even that it might work for a hypothetical next kid. It’s a lot of guesswork and theories and testing out ideas and every parent and every child is a completely unique human being that will react in a different way to each method or action. AND THAT’S OK. You will figure out your parenting as you go and you can’t worry about how it compares to other people’s methods, and you can’t listen WHEN they imply you’re doing it wrong just because you’re not just doing it their way. It’s a fight for survival and you have to figure out the way of parenting that WORKS for you and your kid.
Do your children inspire/inform your music?
Scarlet: I think I’ve mentioned before that a lot of what I write is informed by watching my child grow up and specifically sometimes the hopes and dreams I have for her, things I wish I could have heard growing up and maybe that I needed to know to avoid unnecessary heartache. Or even just to help me get back up when I fell. It keeps me honest, having a daughter, and gives me the gumption to tackle certain ideas that I feel sometimes are lacking in a lot of music.
Have you ever written a song for or about your kids? If so please share a description and a link.
Scarlet: While many songs are inspired by her the ones I’ve written specifically for her have never been produced. Maybe because they’re just more personal or intimate or maybe we’ll get there someday! We have a lot of music still on the back burner!
Not every artist parent incorporates their children into their music - if you do not is this a conscious decision?
Geoff: We don’t want to use her, but we’re not opposed to including her. She actually told me last week that she wants to be in our next music video. Still, i think we are cognizant, and careful, of exploiting our cute child to grow our fanbase.
Scarlet: I mean, if I knew it could make us a million dollars than maybe…lol. But honestly it’s hard to be doing all of this stuff with a 6 year old running around and NOT have her wanting to be all up in your business. So I’m sure it’s only a matter of time!