Parenting Panel with Amy Atchley
Amy Atchley is the Austin, Texas-based singer/songwriter who just returned to the studio to record a collection of songs that she just released on February 17th.
The songs were written on piano and/or guitar which serve as the record’s backbone to support her signature ethereal and incandescent vocals, giving the music a moody, yet irresistible vibe.
The recording project marks another chapter in Amy’s musical narrative. The title track, “Sometimes a Woman is King” is about sisterhood and is for all the strong women and survivors, the moms, the mother figures, the leaders out front and the quiet storms behind the scenes; to all the women who keep the world turning and to Mother Earth, herself.
We got a chance to speak with Amy Atchley about motherhood and music.
How many children do you have? And what are their names and ages?
I have two beautiful daughters Paris 16 and Ellie (Lulu) 14.
Did you have fears or concerns about how becoming a parent would interfere with your artistic endeavors?
My fears were that motherhood and being an artist were very hard to mesh. I didn’t want to stop my music, but I yearned to be a mom. The music business in many ways is still very much a man’s world and I didn’t see how a pregnant woman or young mother could fit in. I also knew the rigor of late nights, being on the on the road, the self-focus it takes, etc. was not a healthy environment to grow and nature a baby; I just didn’t know how it would all work. Would venues want to book me anymore, will I still be a relevant and interesting artist, how do I go from rock star to soccer mom? I’ve worked my entire life so far to become an artist, how do I leave all of that behind?
With all of this pressure, I waited as long as I felt I could to have kiddos. Then it was difficult to get pregnant because of being what they call “advanced maternal age”. I tried everything including taking fertility meds to help and after a couple of years, I eventually did get pregnant with my first child. And with that blessing, I experienced the greatest love of all - being Mommy! I immediately knew I wanted to have at least one more child if I possibly could. My first instinct was if I wanted to have another child I would need to start trying as soon as I felt my body was able! Once my husband and I decided to go for it, I passed him in the hallway and like magic … I was pregnant with my second baby girl! They are 25 months a part. Both healthy pregnancies and deliveries - I feel very lucky!
Have those fears come true, or no?
The fears that motherhood and being an artist would not work did not come true. In fact, the opposite, but it also took me shifting how I do things and in a very beautiful way it put clarity on my life journey and my music. Also, it pushed me to let go of being concerned about what the industry thought. Who cares! That was freeing. It guided me on the most fulfilling path.
What has parenthood taught you about yourself, your music, or your creative process?
Art is life and my daughters are my greatest composition! Being a mother has helped me grow and given me such purpose. My life makes more sense with them in it. They inspire me everyday in everything I do. I lost both of my parents a few years ago and having the girls, helping them grow and learn, loving them has been a blessing that reinforced for me what life is about and the natural order of things.
How do you juggle your family and your career? Who’s your support system?
I have the best partner I could ask for! My husband, Elias Haslanger is also a musician. We met in music school in college and have both enjoyed professional music careers while being parents together supporting each other all the way in this wonderful and interesting life we have created. We understand how vital our music is for each of us. We do what is possible to lift each other up and push each other to reach those personal goals. We take turns so each can release music, play gigs, write songs, follow our dreams and are each other’s biggest fans. We also equally share the duties of parenting letting whoever is good at one facet carry that while the other parent takes on another needed role for the girls. Not that is always easy - it is messy sometimes, it takes a lot of work and commitment. I’m thankful I have someone there so solid to ride out the ups and downs. The best part is, we believe in each other. He also happens to be the best daddy on the planet!
Have you ever written a song for or about your kids?
I have several songs about my kids! I recorded my 3rd record, “Pretty Muse” while I was very pregnant with my second daughter so I always tell her she’s also on that record! ;)
The title track of my last album, “Where You Go” is a forever love song I wrote for my girls so that they would always have my message of love to them in a song.
On my latest record, I wrote a song inspired by the trauma the pandemic took on my older daughter. “Lifeline” is a song a mother (me) wrote about her daughter’s inner struggle and precious love she has for her. It captures the isolation and adaptability we have all faced in order to survive in a turbulent and pandemic-world. It was inspired by the pandemic impacts my children experienced, especially my older daughter who spent her first year of high school behind a screen and really had a hard time particularly with the forced seclusion and other teenage emotions including mean-girl stuff. Some anxiety and depression creeped in. She is resilient and she has worked to stay strong. As a parent, it’s painful to watch your kiddos experience hard things in life that are completely out of your control. She means the world to me. The stark arrangement is intentional to create focus on the emotional content.
How have you been managing parenting during the pandemic? What has been the hardest part and what is the silver lining?
The hardest part is everything has changed. The silver lining is everything has changed. We all became innovators and creators but we lost a lot. I worry for the kids who had to endure this. Life became very uncertain, there was no structure, there was illness, death, isolation and turmoil. How confusing and ungrounding! It was confusing and ungrounding for us adults; I can’t imagine how our children felt inside watching this all unfold around them and going along with it the best they could. Love and more love is what got us through. We reinvented ourselves to find creative outlets and there was just a lot of music in the house whether it was virtual or just creating in our space. My family had a lot togetherness which I am thankful for. We loved hard and are still growing and recovering in the post pandemic era. For now, it finally feels like things are normalizing at least to our new normal.
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