Parenting Panel with Brittany Bliss and Reid Givens of Brittany and the Blisstones
A tropical breeze is wafting in from Chico, California, gently blowing away fear and pain, and easing in a sweetly reflective time of emotional candor, empowerment, and healing. Coming through the air is the lilting island-pop of Brittany and the Blisstones, a duo who specialize in elegantly adorned, heart-crafted songs.
Brittany Bliss and Reid Givens make up the twosome, and their journey is a touching story of reinvention, reclamation, and second chances on love. In addition to warming hearts, the couple are opening minds to female artists and helping shift the narrative of women in creative fields through support and exposure.
Brittany and Reid write songs that sweetly seduce you into mindfulness. The mellow tones of their distinct island-pop draw from an expansive artistic palette of pop, orchestral, rock, jazz, reggae, ska, Latin, new wave, and beyond. Brittany contributes sultry vocals, jaunty ukulele playing, and co-writes the songs with Reid, an accomplished drummer and percussionist with an expansive command of rhythms and a keen sense for the healing power of good grooves.
Brittany and Reid have their own children from previous marriages. We got the chance to speak with them on about their experiences parenting their own children and embracing their partner’s families.
So, let’s dive in:
How many children do you have? And what are their names and ages?
Brittany:
Michael - 16 (male)
Reid:
Coty - 33 (male), and Xander - 22 (male), Coty also has 3 children
Did you have fears or concerns about how becoming a parent would interfere with your artistic endeavors?
Brittany:
Well, it did! I didn’t become a professional musician until my son was 12 years old. My music and songwriting lay dormant for quite a lot of my adult life. I’m hopeful my son is learning from me that you don’t have to wait to follow your passions. They won’t go away or stop bothering you anyway, so you may as well spend some time with them at any age.
Reid:
Playing live and touring is certainly impacted by having kids. If you have Foo Fighters level of success you can just bring your whole family on tour like Dave Grohl does, but for the rest of us that is much harder to do. More generally, the amount of time that you can devote to any project will also be impacted by having kiddos around. For us, that really wasn’t a fear we spent much time on because having less time can actually make you more focused on doing the most important things.
Have those fears come true, or no?
Have those fears come true, or no?
Reid:
No, but for different reasons than one might expect. The band I (Reid) was in when my kids were young actually broke up over kids. We were booked all over, released two full length albums and opened for the Dave Mathews band. Two of the band members had kids shortly after finishing the second album and while our manager was shopping it out to A&R reps the other members called a band meeting. They wanted assurance that the band would take priority over the demands of the kids. It was a short meeting and the end of the band. Two weeks later an offer for a record deal with a major label came in, but the band refused to play together again so it went nowhere. That felt pretty bad at the time, but really we dodged a bullet. You can’t build anything great with people who think like that.
Our project, Brittany and the Blisstones, is completely different. Some of that is due to the age of our kids. Reid’s children are adults now and Brittany’s son is now 16, so we can schedule around things pretty easily. Sometimes, Michael even comes to our shows and manages our merch table. But more importantly, we just don’t spend much time in fear. We recognize it when it shows up, talk about it together immediately and refocus on what “is” rather than what “could” or “ought” to be. Or at least we try!
In what ways has parenthood helped your creativity, if any?
Brittany:
I notice I can more easily go with the flow in songwriting and if something isn’t working I rarely try to wrestle it to the ground. I think baby songs are a lot like baby people… gentleness and timing are everything! You can’t force a verse just like you can’t force a baby to nap. But you can try and make the environment and your own disposition conducive to those things happening.
Reid:
Children, especially young children, have such raw emotions. They don’t temper them at all, which as a parent can be a challenge if your child is having a tantrum or a lose-their-breath-crying-fit over something that seems somewhat trivial. Adults have all those same emotions but we tend not to put them on display in the same way - except for maybe in heavy traffic where we do have the occasional tantrum. A lot of art is about conveying emotion so I think the experience of being around young children helps you get back in touch with those emotions.
What has parenthood taught you about yourself, your music, or your creative process?
Brittany:
Being a parent requires a certain level of skill with expectations as well. We are just launching our first EP, and I can sometimes get my mindset a little screwy trying to guess what the future will bring. I think there’s nothing wrong with daydreaming and visioning, but much like letting go of expectations with your own child and letting them be who they are and letting that unfold with the appropriate amount of direction from the parent, music seems to want the same fluidity and freedom.
Reid:
There is a theory (Hans Rosling?) that being able to distribute works of fiction en masse due to the invention of the printing press caused the world to become more compassionate and less violent. Fiction gives the reader a glimpse of the world from another person’s perspective showing us that others have an inner life just like we do. That realization causes us to recognize the humanity in others which allows us to think beyond ourselves and start to consider a broader perspective.
I think having kids does exactly the same thing. Seeing how your children respond to the world forces you to consider what it must be like for them, even if just to try and figure out why they did that weird thing they just did. For songwriters, this is a wealth of inspiration and thought fodder that can help conceptualize songs and lyrics.
How do you juggle your family and your career? Who’s your support system?
Brittany:
I co-parent with my ex-husband, so my son is with me and Reid half the time. That gives us a little more freedom in terms of our off-weeks. Surprisingly, it’s my ex-mother in law who can come help in a pinch with transportation and appointments if there are conflicts. Don’t burn your bridges I guess!
Reid:
Day by day. Each day there is “one most important thing”, and that takes priority. Everything else fits around that. Some days it’s something for your child so you make sure that goes well and gets done. Anything else that gets done is a bonus. Other days it’s a career thing and your child needs to keep themselves busy. I think the stress we feel from juggling is often from over commitment. If we have a list of 10 things and only get 3 done, we feel like we didn’t accomplish enough. Then, the next day we try to get more things done so we end up focusing only on easy stuff or rushing all day. If instead we start with only one important thing and then end up getting the same 3 things done, we over-achieved and feel great about our progress. Now we have motivation the next day to get another “most important thing” done. It feels better and adds up.
Has the pandemic taken away or added to your creative flow? Are you taking good care of yourself these days?
Brittany:
I think the pandemic has definitely added to my creative flow. During the first year of it, we invested in some songwriting classes and they really helped us. I’m not sure we would have done that without being forced to be home.
I would say yes, I am taking good care of myself these days. I do regular therapy, we do couples counseling and those both really help. While I know I could be eating better, I do make time every day for meditation, some type of movement (even if only 5 minutes) and morning pages from The Artist's Way by Julia Campbell.
What’s one thing you wish someone had told you before you became a parent? Any advice for others?
Brittany:
Don’t be a helicopter. Your child has far more wisdom and self-knowing than you realize. I wish I would have realized that especially during my son’s toddler years, but it took me a while to truly understand he is his own person and I’m only here to guide and nurture him, not to control and micro-manage.
Reid:
You’re going to get it wrong, and that’s OK. You only need to get a few things right, and the rest will sort itself out. I guess the ideas of “Good Enough” parenting would have saved me so much stress.
Do your children inspire / inform your music?
Brittany:
Yes, to the extent that there are bits of wisdom in some of our songs, Ani’s Trees specifically that I’d love my son to embrace as he grows up. Not giving up on yourself, and nurturing your own inspiration are lessons I’d love to impart to him.
Reid:
Indirectly they do. Becoming a parent is unlike anything else and has a way of radically shifting a person's perspective on life and what’s important. That certainly has an effect on the subject of the art. If nothing else, it’s harder to get inspired to write a song about drinking in the club after having kids. I think for us we tend to be inspired by subject matter that is more about subjective human experiences like love, fear, and growth. We have our own experience to write from but we also have a front row seat to another life on their journey with these things - and they come to us for guidance. It just makes you think differently and that affects your art.
Have you ever written a song for or about your kids? If so please share a description and a link.
Brittany:
Yes, but it’s not a finished song :) It is a lullaby-type song about memories of when my son was a baby and how he’d lie on me like a cat. I’m glad to be reminded of this so I can finish it!
Reid:
In a way, all of our songs are for our kids, and for ourselves. As a couple and as parents, we are pretty growth oriented, so our songs tend to be about dealing with adversity, or remaining positive, or cultivating self awareness. It’s funny, there have been several challenging times over the past year that when we faced them, we quoted our own lyrics back to ourselves - like we just realized the meaning of a song, except we wrote it. So, we hope the message of our songs helps people, and even more so if those people are our children.
Not every artist parent incorporates their children into their music - if you do not is this a conscious decision?
Brittany:
We do not, but it’s not a conscious decision. Just hasn’t happened yet.
Reid:
I intentionally do not incorporate my children in my music directly. Most of our songs express our point of view on subjects that are meaningful to us, and I don’t want to tie our children to those points of view. They may come to different conclusions about things and we want to leave room for that. Indirectly, however, I do take inspiration from their ideas, thoughts and experiences.
How have you been managing parenting during the pandemic? What has been the hardest part and what is the silver lining?
Brittany:
The hardest part was my son doing the first two thirds of freshman year of high school from home. I saw how much the isolation was getting to him and affecting his ability to learn and connect. It was pretty rough. It’s much better now. The silver lining has definitely been us all realizing we have far more resilience than we ever realized, and we can get through anything, together.
Find Brittany and the Blisstones via:
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